Intellectual property?

Dear Mr. Trump,

I see, in one of your frequent emails to me, that you plan to “participate in an intellectual property event at the White House.”

I would have thought that a requirement for your participation might be your actual possession of intellectual property. Clearly, I was mistaken, unless the properties are deceit, misogyny, racism, narcissism, and boorishness. I know that these are not intellectual properties, per se, more like personality or character properties – okay, let’s be honest and call them flaws – but the leader of our country, to talk persuasively about anything, should not be a lying, woman-hating, self-loving, bully, and racist, right?

No, I see that you keep behaving the same way because you are “strengthening your base.”

May God protect us from you and your kind.

Bruce J. Berger

 

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Two new poems, published in Public Pool

http://www.publicpool.org/dope/bruce-j-berger/

 

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Today’s letter: seeking advice from the White House occupant (not!)

July 30, 2017

Dear Mr. Trump,

Although I usually write to give you advice, now I wonder whether you might give some to me. Say, e.g., I decided to run for public office. Oh, I don’t know, maybe the Montgomery County Council. Could you give me some tips? Among the main things that we have in common are that I, too, walk on two legs and have never held public office before. Guide me here, please:

Lying: Is it enough if I say that I graduated from Harvard Law School magna cum laude when in truth it was only cum laude? Or should I say summa all the way? Is anyone going to check? Or care? Is it true that, the more outrageous the lie, the more voters you can attract? Should I just claim that I was simultaneously the Dean of Harvard Law School and the President of the Harvard Law Review? If someone claims that I lied, can I just scream “fake news” and gain that much more support?

Thuggery: Your supporters love when you talk about police “not treating them so nice,” a euphemism for beating up an arrestee prior to any due process and when, e.g., you rudely pull a foreign minister out of your way. So, if I let go an enormous, smelly fart in the middle of a Council meeting; or maybe belch loudly; or maybe add the belch to the fart, would I be on the right track? I sense that you are more the throw-dog-excrement-at-your-opponent type, but after all I would not be running for president, just a local government office. How, exactly, do you calibrate your thuggery so well to suit your friends?

Narcissism: Here, I must confess, I doubt that I could come even halfway to your standards, but one must try, right? First, does it cost a lot of money to have fake Time covers made in one’s honor? Could I pretend that Bethesda Magazine named me “Montgomery County Man of the Year” even though no one knows who I am? Or perhaps I should put up a great big beautiful statue of myself in Downtown Silver Spring? Yes, I’m sure it would be collapse within minutes of its erection, or be pulled down, but think of the publicity!

Sir, I have so much to learn about deceit, lack of simple human decency, and self-love. If you can’t help me, who can?

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger

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A letter to the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW re lethality

Dear Mr. Trump,

I see that you have banned transgender people from service in the US armed forces, on the basis of protecting the “lethality” of our military. Let’s put aside the fact that this action is blatantly discriminatory. It’s worse even than having “colored” units in the military from the civil war right up through the mid 20th century. Let’s put aside the fact that this action has no legitimate evidentiary basis. Do you really think, Mr. President, that you are more “lethal” because you decided to stick with the gender that someone assigned you at birth?

If you are serious about “lethality,” however, then I suggest your action is misguided. If you wanted “lethality,” you should have reinstated the draft and put, at the top of the list, the thousands of convicted murderers in the United States today.

On the other side of the coin, you should have excluded everyone from the military who has once had a compassionate thought. How can they be trusted, in a time of crisis, to obey your orders to kill? You should also have excluded anyone who has ever voted for a Democrat. How can they be trusted to follow your murderous commands? Most of them believe you’re non compos mentos anyway.

Sir, I realize that if you follow my advice, the military will shrink to about 5% of its present size, but it will certainly be “lethal.”

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger

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A new way of talking about the news? A letter to our president:

Dear Mr. Trump,

Maybe you are unaware, but your constant reiteration of the phrase “fake news” to describe everything published about you that you don’t like is starting wear a bit thin. It’s like you’ve put on the same shirt, day after day, so that the material has frayed and come apart and lets everyone see the ugly mess behind it. The American public, in short, is getting tired – so tired – of that constant refrain. The number of people who still think those words are meaningful is dwindling rapidly. Every time you say the same thing, more people are sick of hearing it.

So, sir, my suggestion to you is that you find new words. Perhaps you can characterize the stories you dislike as “Sad, but true …” or “Unfortunately, right on the mark” or “Ah, you caught me this time with my pants down …” or “I didn’t realize that my criminal, treasonous conduct was against the law.” That way, many more people will believe you. Plus, you will capture the element of surprise, even shock, and think of how that will affect your ratings!

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger

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A new letter to Mr. Trump about might have happened …

Dear Mr. Trump,

I can see now how this all played out last year, when you became the presumptive Republican nominee. Let me know if I’m wrong.

Jr.        Dad, the most remarkable thing has happened. The Russkies are offering to help us smear Hillary!

DT       What? How do you know?

Jr.        Here’s the email I got. They’ll even come to the Trump Tower in New York!

DT       Make sure you bring Jared and Manafort. This is a campaign thing. They have to be involved.

Jr.        Of course.

DT       Now, what’s your story? What’s the cover?

Jr.        Well, first, as you’ve taught me over the years, I will deny that any such meeting ever took place. If I have to fill out any forms when you’re elected – as you will be with all this mud on Hillary we’re going to get – I will forget such a meeting took place.

DT       Good. Deny, deny, deny. Fake news. But, what if someone finds out? You need a story.

Jr.        I got that figured, too. The Russkie contact is interested in adoptions. We’ll say that’s what we talked about.

DT       Haha! Adoptions, like when those soft fuzzy libtards try to help someone else have a decent life! Haha! Good, good!

Jr.        And also we’ll say that we didn’t learn anything.

DT       So, how exactly is this going to help us win again?

Jr.        We promise to lift sanctions, the Russkies find the dirt and get it released. And they’ll feed us inside stuff.

DT       I love it! Beautiful!

Jr.        When Putin heard you beg him to hack Hillary’s emails, he couldn’t resist.

DT       I knew he’d get the message. Boy, I love Putin! He knows how to eliminate his competition. He’s tough. I’m gonna be just like him when I’m President!

Jr.        Sure you will, Dad! I’m proud of you.

DT       All right. Go ahead. Remember, we never talked about this. If it comes out some day, it’s … it’s … a big nothing burger. Can you remember that?

Jr.        A big nothing burger. Got it.

DT       And keep me informed every step of the way.

Jr.        Like we’ve always operated.

So, Mr. Trump, I’m pretty sure I got the essence of that conversation correct. Unless you tell me I’m wrong, my friends and I are entitled to deem this a proven fact.

Thank you, sir, for your valuable time.

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger

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He’s learning …?

Dear Mr. Trump,

I see that your staff “forgot” to book you a room for the G-20 summit. What a shame! How could the people you hire be so callous? Although I realize that the summit is in Hamburg, not Vienna, do you think this could be a Freudian slip?

Or, do you think Hillary was behind it all? You know, those emails?

Seriously, though, you’re doing a bit better. I saw that you reluctantly shook Angela Merkel’s hand when she offered it, and you managed to get off-camera before taking the Purell bottle from one of your aides. You’re learning diplomacy!

Best of luck, sir, on the rest of your trip.

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger

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