Dear Mr. Trump:
One of your favorite disparaging remarks is “witch hunt.” According to you, any investigation of your campaign’s collusion with the Russian government and your pal, Putin, is a “witch hunt.” According to you, any investigation of your attorney Michael Cohen’s possible violation of United States election law, on your behalf, is a “witch hunt.”
Frankly, Sir, you are overusing the term, possibly because of your limited vocabulary. It’s understandable. With all the golf you need to play, with all the people you need to fire, with all the television you need to watch, with all the women you need to pay off for their silence, with all the Nazis you need to praise, how could possibly have time to learn a few new ways of saying the same thing?
Here are some new ways for you to describe what’s going on:
The Mueller investigation of your collusion with Russia: “A non-partisan review, led by a stalwart and greatly-respected Republican, of the criminal acts of your closest confidants, who cheated our system of free elections, laundered money, lied to the FBI, among other things, leading directly to you, Sir.”
The investigation of Cohen: “A search warrant properly obtained by the United States Attorney of the Southern District of New York (your appointee), and approved by a federal district court judge, relating to allegations that Cohen may have committed bank and tax fraud.” (Since when is it a witch hunt to investigate bank and tax fraud?)
You see, Sir, just a few more words and you can greatly expand your vocabulary. And, also, speak the truth for a change.
Very truly yours,
Bruce J. Berger